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uktana

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Totally NOT Fake News 20 3, 10:52pm

Due to the insistence of the media to call him this, New York State Governor Mario Cuomo has now officially accepted the title of "Embattled Governor Mario Cuomo". He is up to his nipple ring in controversy, but he is busily trying to get the press's attention off the multiple accusations by women of sexual harassment by reminding everyone of all the people who died of covid-19 in nursing homes. Due to these accusations, as well as accusations that he runs the state like an old-fashioned mob boss, even Democrats are calling for his resignation, and his poll numbers have gone way down lately. On the other hand, when New York City mayor Bill DeBlasio called for his resignation, Cuomo's poll numbers shot up by 30%.

Embattled Governor Cuomo insists that he will not resign; but on the other hand, UNS has learned that he is working to establish a second career by negotiating a book deal with City Lights Press for a series of romance novels. These will feature a prominent politician, son of another prominent politician, who runs the state during the day, and prowls the clubs at night, hugging and kissing women he barely knows, calling them "blondie", "sweetheart", and "honey", putting his hand down their blouses and skirts, and insisting that sex with older men is actually better than they might think.

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A Cuomo spokesman stated, "This book is of course totally fiction. Governor Cuomo is an old-fashioned Italian sort of guy, he greets everyone with hugs and kisses and calls them 'sweetheart'."

This just in: Embattled Governor Cuomo has scheduled a meeting with his critics to answer their concerns, to be held in a Brooklyn nursing home, and is planning on giving them an offer they can't refuse!