A UNS Exclusive! After decades of riding his failures to successes, and getting away with everything short of murder, a certain well-known businessman and amateur politician suddenly faced one failure after another last year, puzzling everyone who has been following his career since the 1980s. A UNS investigation has dug out the original document that made all this possible: a contract that this person (hereinafter "the Promisee") signed with a powerful ruler (hereinafter "the Promisor"), in which the Promisor agreed to allow the Promisee 40 years of wealth and power, in exchange for his immortal soul, which would come due in one balloon payment at the end of the contract period. Apparently, the Promisee forgot that the contract expired last year - or just assumed, as he often does, that a contract is not worth the blood it's signed in - but the Promisor is known to be something of a stickler for details and strict timetables.
The Promisee hasn't been seen in public much in the last four months, and our investigative reporters have discovered that he's been trying to use the art of the deal to re-negotiate the contract. Details are hard to come by, but the Promisor is said to be demanding the sacrifice of the Promisee's first-born male child, and the Promisee is trying to get the Promisor to agree to take the dorky youngest son instead, because nobody will miss him anyway.
At press time, negotiations are still ongoing, but UNS's team of crack investigative reporters will release the details as soon as they learn them.
Translation of the document: "We, the influential Lucifer, the young Satan, Beelzebub, Leviathan, Elimi, and Astaroth, together with others, have today accepted the covenant pact of [name redacted], who is ours. And him do we promise the love of women, the flower of virgins, the respect of monarchs, honors, lusts and powers. He will go whoring, and the casino will be dear to him. He offers us once in the year a seal of blood, under the feet he will trample the holy things of the church, and he will break many promises; with this pact he will live forty years happy on the earth of men, and will later join us in the Lake of Fire established by God for the fallen angels and those who follow them.
Bound in hell, in the council of demons.
Lucifer Beelzebub Satan
Astaroth Leviathan Elimi
The seals placed the Devil, the master, and the demons, princes of the lord.
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A UNS Exclusive! After decades of riding his failures to successes, and getting away with everything short of murder, a certain well-known businessman and amateur politician suddenly faced one failure after another last year, puzzling everyone who has been following his career since the 1980s. A UNS investigation has dug out the original document that made all this possible: a contract that this person (hereinafter "the Promisee") signed with a powerful ruler (hereinafter "the Promisor"), in which the Promisor agreed to allow the Promisee 40 years of wealth and power, in exchange for his immortal soul, which would come due in one balloon payment at the end of the contract period. Apparently, the Promisee forgot that the contract expired last year - or just assumed, as he often does, that a contract is not worth the blood it's signed in - but the Promisor is known to be something of a stickler for details and strict timetables.
The Promisee hasn't been seen in public much in the last four months, and our investigative reporters have discovered that he's been trying to use the art of the deal to re-negotiate the contract. Details are hard to come by, but the Promisor is said to be demanding the sacrifice of the Promisee's first-born male child, and the Promisee is trying to get the Promisor to agree to take the dorky youngest son instead, because nobody will miss him anyway.
At press time, negotiations are still ongoing, but UNS's team of crack investigative reporters will release the details as soon as they learn them.
Translation of the document: "We, the influential Lucifer, the young Satan, Beelzebub, Leviathan, Elimi, and Astaroth, together with others, have today accepted the covenant pact of [name redacted], who is ours. And him do we promise the love of women, the flower of virgins, the respect of monarchs, honors, lusts and powers. He will go whoring, and the casino will be dear to him. He offers us once in the year a seal of blood, under the feet he will trample the holy things of the church, and he will break many promises; with this pact he will live forty years happy on the earth of men, and will later join us in the Lake of Fire established by God for the fallen angels and those who follow them.
Bound in hell, in the council of demons.
Lucifer Beelzebub Satan
Astaroth Leviathan Elimi
The seals placed the Devil, the master, and the demons, princes of the lord.
Baalberith, writer."